A SOFT edge TO IT

entering new year...sigh

2011-01-01T06:27:00.005+08:00

How depressing of a new year this was

I had to wake up doing my project early in the freaking morning

although on the bright side my husband called me in the morning and i love his voice so bad

makes me so wet

yea!

awesome

also having a slight tummy ache

well not really slight.

so i was thinking

why was new year such a big deal

it's just another day away

no difference

well im wrong

apparently

everyone sort of have a fresh start

slates are sort of clean

people following their new years resolution

the year to change i say

i could probably feel it

but thats bullocks cause were always changing

but maybe this year for me id change

maybe that was my new years resolution

well not exactly change drastically

more like an upgrade

oh ho this year there would be a drastic change

this would also be the year that marks me 20 decades on this ridiculous plane

just telling you why this insignificant year could be one of my most significant year ever

anyways before i start enslaving myself

i thought it would be nice to blog

here are some teasers to what im gonna be blogging about this year

well basically tumblr is going to have massive effects

part of my life now

design is major part of my life

fashion too

i'd try to dress around and be bold.

nothing to lose

oh oh and im getting something awesome when i'm done with my last year in school

uhh living with my husband in england

im devoted to becoming a camwhore there

dress all nicely cause i can

maybe all too nicely but who cares really?

although saying this i may not exactly be bothered

2010-12-22T23:56:00.002+08:00

I'm bored out of my wits.

Don't get me wrong

I merely post this cause i was bored

I know i haven't post anything for ages

I've clearly been busy

I've been to Korea

I'm in the middle of my FYP

and right now?

I'm sat in my rearranged room with new sofa and new aircon

could be coughing my lungs out

no i don't smoke either

ive got lung infection cause of the cleaning of my 10 year old filthy house

that gathered so much dust

yea its the christmas season and im feeling lady gaga today

not that ive been feeling christmassy at all

i still gotta make it to church tomorrow for service

i've been extremely lonely this past couple of weeks

my husband, my matt went back to england again

trust me this would be the last time were apart

i'm not gonna sob about how much i miss him and cry nearly every night

because he isn't there beside me

well all i can say is that it's been a beautiful amazingly wonderful year this year

Majority of it was because i found the love of my life

and now everything is so crystal clear

time has flown i realized because 5 years passed

i met him from guild wars

and now here we are engaged and apart

physically apart anyways

why i havent been posting was because im busy with him

clearly hes my top priority

although needless to say i miss blogging

although now people have been resorting to twitter and facebook

i find blogging a heart filled slow paced embrace

because you take the time to read what the blogger has to say

you're brought through an intimate journey that many people take for granted.

it's nice

oh and i've got a new black kitten edition

it's amazing time is

just in 1 year so many things changed

my future i expect for myself altered

looking back at the past

what i've been through is amazing

i'm sorry i dont post enough for you to understand

but hey at least we should be grateful were here now

in 3 months or less i'm graduating

gonna get my own apartment

working for real

being in england for 6 months

when i was 12

i never really thought of the future

because i didnt need to

now its here to bite my ass and ask me to grow up

and do adult things

but at least im not doing it alone

and i think ill be a kid most of the time

it's funny how i worry so much

i still do but

i dont have to do it alone

it makes a shit loads of difference

like i've got a beautiful person to count on

and for a fact

we are gonna lead a beautiful life

So upon graduating from interior design?

what have i learnt

hmm well

honestly

i dont learn from lectures

i'm a kinestatic learner unfortunately

and my memory fails me

i've forgotten a lot that i've learnt

so instead i read checked out blogs

not to mention fashion blogs

read a little

i love reading

forces me to think and understand.

what is space?

it isnt a platform

it isnt confined in walls

it's produced and reproduced

it's a series of interaction that is made

that is experienced

by different people with different experience

and that fabric that is created when you build peoples experience over time

and my job?

is to create this space

2010-08-21T02:39:00.003+08:00

I couldn't really sleep tonight, because something feels amiss.

My heart feels heavy probably due to the overwhelming emptiness i'm trying very hard to suppress

My hands felt light like something was supposed to be there to leave an impression

Room looks empty, absence of you begins to creep up on me at night

dee dee lies beside me missing you too

i guess this is how it feels like when you miss someone

you don't miss the figment of the person

you miss how he makes you feel each morning staring into your eyes

you miss the caress of each other every other day

you miss the breathe of him against your skin

you miss the feel of his soft hair

you miss the feel of his skin

the softness of his lips

the gentleness of his embrace

suddenly things aren't the same when he left

i miss him because he's apart of me now, and it's probably impossible to think about parting

and because i miss him so, it affects my daily life without him

eating, sleeping, shitting

all just seem like i'm doing them for the sake of keeping myself alive

it somehow made the world seem duller

only our sanity kept us company, choosing to ignore facts

lying to ourselves everything would be okay.

but everything isn't ok, you just have to deal with it

that's all

i can't fully express myself because words aren't enough to begin to understand what it feels like

it isn't just emotions i'm dealing with but psychologically affects us physically

i love you matt

2010-07-07T17:40:00.003+08:00

right sooooo i'm at home now
totally camwhored a little in school today
couldnt help it i just love my camera and me

me and my oversized pimples
been stressed lately
and apparently my face has a way to tell me how unhappy my body is

i love this one
i could see through the scarf
was fun
it's 11pm
can't believe i took 5 hours for this post
no i didn't i took a 3 hour nap
hahaha i was looking at my cat dee dee specifically
and wondered if she ever understood what i was saying
that wasn't just a passing thought
like how it usually is when you talk to your cat
i seem to have thought about it long and hard
like it was worth considering
i just woke up by the way
muffins getting a wand up his ass
honestly i wouldnt mind though
it's odd that i don't mind
what's the point of being raged, as long as he's having fun i'm fine
as long as it's not at my expense
i don't even know what i mean
right my thoughts are gonna be extremely random
cause it's pretty much how i see things and think about things and how i forget things
so upon thinkign about muffins
it's amazing what naps could do
but the best part is shitting
yes i said it shitting
i woke up and there was this clench deep down within me
and i just have to push it out of my system
so i half crouch to the toilet because the pain was getting rather sharp and unbearable
and immediately my brain started working
it's amazing isn't it
what a good way to start the day
i seriously think there is a relation with me shitting and how im having verbal constipation
the frustration and repression
oh siggy you genius i miss you so much
because i was think matthews called caught me off guard
as expected i didn't say much and pretty much laugh my way through
my head wasn't functioning well because it just started up
cause it was hilarious as i was picturing leon getting his dick snapped by a swan
he probably deserved it
right wait let me finish one thing at a time
so i was talking to my cat and she responded back
surely she gets what im saying right?
she stared at me like how youd stare into the eyes of the person
to have an engaging conversation
so my cat and i had a moment
that i haven't really noticed
i think i could hear her
somewhat
if im not crazy
i think she asked me how was my sleep
and i think i told her to fuck off
i mean who knows what im saying?
even i don't know
but i'm pretty much imagining it
now shes sleeping on my blanket that has my scent on it
i have decided to blog then start on metropolis
my power of procrastinating is extremely high but surely ill get it done today
or else i cant move forward to my model
right and i was shitting
and it felt as if each shit i dropped
the canal between my thoughts and my brain
starting clearing
like there was something interrupting my train of thought
and it stops me from thinking
so apparently shitting helps relieve that blockage
or it could that useful nap
so i began thinking about the effects of a handphone
its both a blessing and a curse
a curse being we can't live without it
trust me no matter how hard you tried
the society made it impossible to live without one
it's a blessing because when you call someone
it brings you closer to them
i don't know i experienced it when my baby called me all the way from uk
and i thought about it not too long ago
like how sms had an amazing impact on each of us
significantly because were so far apart and just when i text him
i somehow felt closer
like as if he were next door
of course he'd grin his ass off
because it makes this real
it's just amazing that technology would make you feel that way
only recently i began realizing this effect
that technology no longer becomes cold to us
it itself is developing an identity
its starting to create its own value
and how much we hate that we can't live without it
and probably AISEXUAL might not be impossible afterall
so i'm obliged to tell you how my day was
since this is a blog post i might as well do with it
what came to mind and what i could remember was that
hazimah and i participated in SD Talentime
how did we go?
well let me explain the situation
you know how prepared you are before you enter the judging panels
you were so sure you could pull this through
but as you take a step towards the judging panel
your sheer will and determination wears off
and turns into this fine line
and a lot of nerves
well that was me
and yes i fucked up a little
my knees were clearly shaking
but they loved us
XD
thank god for hazimah to cover me when i forgot the lyrics
but damn they love us
just hope were going to the next round
and results are next week
they clapped and did not ring the bell
clearly they were thoroughly enjoying themselves right
i hope im not being too presumptuous
by the time were done
it didnt feel like we just did the auditions
it was all too rushed and hastening
wooo i just burped my chicken rice
chicken breathe
right i was also checking out how i cannot seem to recall any dreams
or i may not have dreams pretty much
but science tells me its whether one can recall it at all
so people whom usually cant recall is because they are extremely pressured psychologically
maybe subconsciously i am psychologically challenged
but is not recalling dreams a bad thing
it didnt seem to me like it is
i just think that if i dreamt it means im disturbed or bothered by my subconsciousness
i was told once when i was a kid
that if i have no dreams
i had a good sleep
so i began embarking on a journey to find out what they got to say
i just think that the way my brain works is divine
so surely there must be a reason why i cant recall my dreams
OR i don't have dreams
probably to protect me from something?
all i could think of was how it would protect me from evil
i always think that dreams are like the tunnel
connected towards God
so whatever message or mail he wants to send
he'll send it to me through my dreams or something
all these dream talks are making my mind woozy
i still remembering have massive amount of dreams when i was young
and now it just stops
safe to say i have lost my dreams hahahaha
well i'm all out of juice
my brain doesn't wanna work anymore
no thats a horrid excuse
i just dont feel like typing anymore
i shall experiment this
recalling my dreams and sleeping more hours
importance of dreams is that it helps expose our subconsciousness
helps freud in that sense with his slightly flawed sexual repression theories

2010-07-07T09:40:00.002+08:00

Just felt like blogging today
felt like i was neglecting something
made me feel a wee bit guilty
responsibility right?
no why im blogging today is because my lecturer just launched the documentation assignment
i'm not particularly good at documentation
haha i laugh, i'm not disciplined
i'm extremely inconsistent
but i could try right? no harm done
HAHA i'm doing this out of obligation
maybe both
i believe its possible to act out of obligation and instinct
SO uhhh
right i don't know what to talk about
my lecture?
PWD- person with disabilities
do not call them handicapped
be sensitive
what about them
how we have to comply with them
so when building
there are certain regulations that you must follow
ill start boring you now
although oddly it isnt boring me
we have to be extremely sensitive
for example water pressure of a tap has to be looked into
why we go through so much hassle is that
unfortunately singapore isnt exactly good with fertility
which means they dont indulge in much sex
i mean like how can you not?
its an act of art!!!
even the japanese does a great load of sexual activity
WE ARE SEXUALLY DEPRIVED
i'm not sure about my parents
they have pretty healthy sex lives even at the age of 40
woot go parents!
well i'll give you an explanation
for why our population is depleting and why our aging population is rising
well singapore has pretty much been career driven
we always want to be the best
i mean who doesnt right?
and because that were such a puny country
we have to work twice as hard to make it out there
shortage of labor etc.
so we have massive amount of career woman
whom choose to marry later
and thus wanting to start a family would pretty much be delayed
or worse not start a family at all
i guess it wasnt a need for them
probably be considered a burden and they dont wish to be tied down
so you then ask me what has this got to do with PWD and designing for them
since there is the depleting population
it emphasizes the pressure of aging population acting on the future youths
generally our future clients would be the aging population
and aging population are mostly disabled one way or another
whether on wheelchair or blind
we uh need to be sensitive
and reanalyze the ergonomics for the PWD
we are designing for the future
and aging is inevitable
you know it feels like sometimes i dont have a mind of my own
right im bored of um blogging now
i really do have a short attention span
its a bad thing i think

2010-07-02T15:40:00.002+08:00

it's probably been ages since i've blogged as usual
um just a quick update
it's true i'm sorta engaged
to whom?
to someone extremely special
i feel so selfish i don't wanna share about it
nah i do
he deserves that much and i'm proud of him
he just makes my heart leap and cry out for him
whenever i think of him
it gives me that warm surge that invades my very cold body
i know you must be UGH stop all the mushy stuff
but no im not gonna stop it
its my blog after all
gosh i just love him so much
it's just not something you can reason with

2010-06-09T22:16:00.002+08:00

haha i just had a major rude awakening today
it was an intervention
it made me change my rooms layout a little
and made me change a little today
the thing im afraid of is that this intervention stays today
may not last tomorrow
next thing you know, i'll be throwing my clothes all over the place
i hope this lasts
i hope ill make it last

2010-06-09T21:42:00.002+08:00

in case you're wondering where i've been this past few weeks
i've been rather busy doing school work
no surprise there
and i'm currently into this new blogging style known as tumblr
http://itsybitsykitty.tumblr.com
crit is finally over
there goes the first term right there
3 more to go before i graduate
soon enough i'll graduate
we were pretty much hammered in crit
that much said i felt rather disappointed in myself
but it's over
we had to be more intellectual
they say
more deep
i guess that's what they say to the whole lot of us
but sometimes i prefer blogs
cause there's no limitation to how much we wanna say
because i wanna express so much
i guess ill have to quit skateboarding
i know it's sad
but the reality is skateboarding isn't going to get my grades
who am i kidding?
i'm not like those skaters
who have time to spend
i cant afford that luxury anymore
i love skating but
i just dont have the time for it
but i never regret skating
love every bit
just that it is time i stop living the delusion
that i can balance my time well
i cant
well i could get a skateboard some other time =)
well there are 2 things im gripping on to now
design and singing

well each of us have our issues
i guess it's how we deal with them
this is how i deal with mine
and for therapy it's either i sing
immerse myself in books or shopping
yes i'm still a girl
i love shopping
i love God too
even though at times i don't show it
and i admit i take him for granted
but i still love Him.

2010-05-28T17:59:00.002+08:00

i've decided to use tumblr as my form of blog
it's faster and easier
so says quennie
http://itsybitsykitty.tumblr.com/
and heres the link
what better day could i have asked for
an hour or 2 spent on tumblr screening at how many individuals express themselves
it's extremely fascinating
got loads of cool photos too
currently working on my 3d fort canning park
trying to make it look realistic
sort of
i dont know how to do that when i dont have all the dimensions but i can roughly estimate
i'm feeling much better
thanks to everyone who wishes me well

2010-05-27T20:47:00.002+08:00

i had to let it out somewhere
im sure everyone is falling ill
ive always hated feeling so sick
i didnt go to school today
i needed the rest
my flu was pretty bad
and i dont think i could stand another day in that absolutely cold studio of mine
i could die of hypothermia
knowing that every brush of chill air from the air conditioner caresses my naked skin
instantly erupts an irritation from my nose and viola
a violent sneeze
that just cant be stopped
and this happens continuously through out the entire day
at the end of the day my hands would be shaking
nearly had a fever today
it's a cold no amount of fats could save you from
probably stress induced

2010-05-26T00:08:00.002+08:00

unfortunately i can't let all this go to waste
i need to do something
i can't let all her efforts go to waste
shes a great leader
it's just not fair
don't worry honey i got your back
i'll see us through even if i had to murder the other 3 to do so
all i need you to do is have a little faith in me
i cant let this fail
i dont take failure as an answer
and i don't like the fact that we won't be able to rebut the lecturers
i don't like the result of our failure is because we fail to perform
we put far too much effort and im really really not gonna let anything fuck this up
im gonna take whatever it takes to succeed
if anybody gets in my way
you better pray for mercy
i don't care if i bruise any of my group mates ego if i don't abide by their rules
or their ideas
but i'm sorry so far it hasn't impressed me
and you've let my best friend down
i can't be fucked with your egos
grow up and deal with it put your ego aside
this is life
not some fucking ego , who is better whatever nonsense
if you're too stubborn to see it through
and insist on sabotaging our entire group to not produce anything
please i'd rather you kill yourself
then bring us all down with you
it's no longer about who's model is prettier
or sophisticated now
it's about delivering
and maybe simplicity is the key to the damn thing?
it's retarded to fight about light or shadow
honestly i don't like what i'm seeing
she trusted you to set things straight
time and time you failed
not once
not twice
not even thrice
if you can't do your job
just say so
don't promise things you apparently cannot deliver
don't give people false hopes
she has been kind enough to give you chances after chances
fucking people and their egos
yea you really piss me off
you piss me off the moment my friend was on the brink of breaking down
you think i'm joking
i will cut you in half if i have to
i'm that serious
don't fuck with me

2010-05-13T00:48:00.002+08:00

i am thoroughly extremely exhausted today
i just feel so very cluttered
because i am probably drowning in things to do
like the rest of us
in interior design
im still very much astonished that we're pretty much year 3 now
judging by the amount of effort i put into my work for the past 2 years
i really wasn't counting on thinking about how we would be like in year 3
hoping that year 3 would never come
i'd picture our entire class in chaos with the amount of work we would be indulging in
i have decided to take a particular interest in skate boarding
i don't really have a reason as to why?
it's just something i wanted to do for quite some time now
i'm not sure if that justifies me for the abrupt choice of entertainment
i don't even know whether skateboarding is a sport
trust me i know NOTHING about that deck
i'm starting from scratch at the age of 18
so why a skateboard?
i don't really know
it's just something intriguing
it could be a passion
or a sub passion
im not really entirely sure what my true passion is
probably singing
cause i have never felt anything like that when i was singing
you know how a particular song swims around your heart and soul
while you sing
you feel attuned to it
like it made perfect sense
that's just the little bit of how i feel about singing
it makes me feel really happy
like really extremely happy
i don't know if happy was the right word
right now it feels just so in adequate to elaborate on how i feel

how's my school work coming along
i feel that it's still hazy
yes it's all a blur
and undoubtedly fast past
unfortunately i might not be able to keep up
i've been feeling exhausted ever since school started
even with about 8 hours of sleep
it didn't do much justice
however i have been listening in lectures
and i wasn't sleeping in them!
what a vast improvement
not really
i'm scared
afraid i won't be able to make it this year
cause i believe it requires a lot
i'm not throwing in the towel
just feel as if im not inspired
i feel as if i've lost something
i feel as if i've been abused hahaha
cause like seeing how much time i spent on my course alone is pretty scary
and im actually taking a major plunge to manage my time
and money
hopefully it all falls into place
and im not used to it
definitely not
sadly i think relationship is going to be the last on my list right now
hahahahaha
am i happy?
am i happy missing out watching tv and missing out the outings with my peeps
is it worth it?
it all comes down to whether its worth it losing yourself in the process for design
honestly i dont think its worth it
but its the things we have to deal with in life
i have a love and hate relationship with design
i should also learn to be more responsible next time
im really sorry hazimah if i caused you any distress
i really didnt mean it

alright im gonna turn in and wake up in 2 hours time to complete whatever i should
i should stop the habit of turning off my alarm clock to sleep in for a few minutes
i don't think i can afford it this year
i need time to be on my side right now

2010-05-05T11:23:00.002+08:00

you'd think i had my life figured out
thoughts are probably racing through my mind right now
having intech lecture now
metal construction and detailing

2010-04-29T00:57:00.002+08:00

i know i shouldn't be blogging right now
i have an upcoming submission and crit
the following morning
at about 8.45am
my head is just blank
the moment i hit the showers
so im kinda exercising my momentum
by blogging
yea i just felt like blogging
it's probably 1 am now
im actually looking for articles and more photos to aid me in my presentation later
the topic , or rather the site were working on is the extremely interesting national theatre
no pun intended
the non existing national theatre
where we are required to raise it from the dead and actually do site analysis
so in a sense we did just that
we animated our national icon from the grave
and found out fascinating information that wasnt only tied to national theatre
amazing footage from the past
but the whole chunk of history of singapore
what it was like back then
it was crazy like, as if youre living in a complete dimension
like some heritage hunt
the only thing that connects the present to the past is through
images, information and footage of the very young
singapore
not being patriotic
i ensure you im not
however its just intriguing to dig up your heritage
and say hey
they did this already
theyre having so much fun!
soon history itself becomes valuable
because you cant turn back time
whatever you do
in the past
would be embedded
to mold the future
its so interesting
cause whatever our decision would count in molding the future
all our decisions in life probably played an enormous role in dictating what the future could be

ugh gosh i cant believe that came from my head
cause i am extremely exhausted and im pretty sure a lot of people are
also suffering from sore throat
and ulcers on my lip
irritating the hell out of me, since i cant really smile or move the muscles of my lower lip without stinging myself with that sharp pain
and i tend to smile a lot
like i smile at nothing
i'm suspecting that i could have brought tonsils back
could explain for the frequent sore throats and fever plus flu
i keep forget that being sick sucks
makes you feel like shit

2010-04-14T21:51:00.002+08:00

school was clearly about to start soon
and honestly i can't wait for year 3
oddly i would dread the coming of each year
because we have to endure 1 more year
but think of it this way
you only have a year to go
its time to get serious now
which for me it means more fun cause i guess im pretty sadistic
and after this year
you make it or not
you'd probably be a grown man/woman
of interior design by then
i can't wait to graduate and start my life i guess?
i know its been ages since ive blogged but i just didn't think certain things were worth blogging about
or i wasn't in the mood to record whatever i did
well i've always been busy
since i've got attachment
even BUSY itself have different levels but they all feel the same
the pressure
will forever be there
but i'm glad i get to spend more time with my friends
and i do regret that i could have been a big part of their lives
if i weren't so busy
but life is like that
and i rather like listening to the stories
that i've missed out
but thankfully i havent drifted from my gfs =)
i just came back from prata fiesta!
i must say the prata that Chynna recommended was fantastic
my head is throbbing now
i havent slept a wink last night
probably sleeping late tonight
again
and tomorrow is the last day of my attachment
means i gotta do my log book
knowing that i hate recording data
oh oh but im eating a lot of fruits and veg recently
so much that i think i wouldnt have eaten much of a proper meal
heck i dont even know what a damned proper meal is anymore
i mean i feel like a goat=/

2010-04-04T17:49:00.002+08:00

well i went to pulau ubin yesterday
for cycling
was nearly assaulted by ravaging monkeys
yes monkeys
monyets
yes nearly 7 monyets
what did i do?
i ran
and screamed
the screaming wasnt necessary
but it was fun hahaha
how i wish i had my lighter and deodorant
even if i dont use deodorant it could turn out to be quite useful at that point of time
why?
cause i can fry them alive
yea im that cruel
monkeys are one more on my list whom i can be food for
yes they eat anything
do you think im cruel?
like what if you cant run
what if they caught up with you
you carry safety equipment
makes me think
hahaha darwin you sure we evolve from such sub species
from savages like these that have no justification and live for plain survival?
why would i want them to be fried?
cause i want to watch them suffer
run around screaming while every second they burn
hopefully they burn to ashes but i dont think that amount of fire power is enough
i had both a great and not so great time there but overall it went swell
except the fact that it was pouring the entire day
and my bike could have got me killed
but i managed to survive
the best was swimming in the lagoon
too bad my camera died on me cause it wasnt water proof
so i couldnt capture the best parts=/
i was probably cursing myself silently for letting the rain into my camera
oh well

2010-04-01T01:36:00.002+08:00

well
i forgot today was april fools day
=/
i know right
it could be a great yet a horrible day
what am i doing up?
well im staying up all night to prep for presentation tomorrow morning
about adopting vr technology to help achieve what the patients desire
both visually , audibly and haptically

2010-03-30T09:21:00.002+08:00

i uhhh
well yea im alive!
i know its been ages since i've blogged
not that i really care
i'll pop in some time
cause i'm really busy with this design thinking lab
apart from that i also have my own diary to fill
so why blog twice right?
umm im in class now
all i can think of is were given a fucked up topic
and we will be bombarded with fucked up question as well
well honestly we cant cater to everyone so fuck this
i know thats a lot of course language in the morning
but thats like the last thing i should be worried about
anyways this thing is soooo horrid
that i CANNOT wait to go back to school
really
what kind of frigging topic is die a good death?
really?

2010-03-04T01:53:00.002+08:00

what am i doing up?
i dunno i guess i couldn't sleep
i know i havent blogged for ages...
well just a quick summary
i'm still working now
not as often
but enough to get me through
im writing my diary
nearly everyday
i try to at least
welll
im having a fever but ill be fine
although it was shitty that i was working and my fever just had to come in then and there...
now i just woke up from my rest i cant go back to sleep
and my body is aching like a bitch...
my eyes are swollen but it receded
its all under control dont worry people!!

2010-02-01T21:09:00.002+08:00

ok back home
i have no clue why im soo disorientated today
must be the bike lag
yea
i went to rompin malaysia yesterday starting from 7am to 7pm
reached back to sg at 1900 yesterday
the experience you ask me?
was absolutely amazing
malaysia was unknown to me
it all felt so fake
it gave me the impression that we were traveling through monopoly world
yea i know
how does it relate to monopoly
i have no idea
the surreal unrealistic of it all
living in singapore for 18 years fucks you up that way
yep
so like it wasnt any ordinary malaysia bike trip
it was an off road bike trip
yes
we used dirt bike
to overcome the extremely harsh terrain
it was harsh to me
we bumped soo much that when i reached home i was int those inertia state
where you feel like yorue moving
after swimming for a long time
yea
it felt like that
ohhhh
and the food there
was fantastic
seriously im not joking
the malay food there
in fact most of the food there cooked by malaysians were nothing but superb
no offence
but sometimes i think a lot of malays in singapore are missing out
what the true meaning of malay cultural food really means
so like malaysia brings malay culture smacked in my face
yes the food was fucking awesome
maybe its the same for chinese food
maybe the food we were eating
is just diluted
not from concentrate
sadly
well
it just brings me back to why i wanna ride a bike
it has been my dream ever since i was a little girl
i wanna be as pro as my dad
even though i couldnt be as pro as him
but i wouldnt know
who knows i can be much better
you might never know right
i want to feel the wind in my hair
the rush of nature brush past me as i zoom across regions of countries
watch the sunset or sunrise when i move through time and space
its a personal connection between me and nature
its like
interacting with the surroundings
i think being in a car
cuts all interaction
which is kinda turn off
why must traveling be that limited
why cant it be liberated?
being on a motorcycle makes that possible
yes im gonna be at risk by doing so
no pain no gain
its gonna be worth it all anyways
oh yea
and the people
in malaysia
are REALLY nice
they would smile at you when you smile at them
theyd even wave at you
what do you get in singapore?
stares and people thinking youre crazy when you smile at them
not really much of a culture shock
it was a truly wonderful experience
ill upload the photos when im not lazy =P
finally submitted my walkthrough
i love it
even though it isnt perfect but i love it
its like
2 weeks of work
in that thing
now im gonna slack
and do my tod journal
most probably gonna spend a really long time on it as well...
oh well
but its much easier then design studio projects
it was truly hectic
but oh well
crit this week
i havent submitted the panels
cant be bothered really
im just happy i got it done
the only thing im worried about is repeating but other then that woot!!!
this year really passed by so fast as well as the few years ago
but but
the point is to not look back and move forward
reflect on your past
and move on
thats all
honestly
i never regretted anything that happened the last few years
in fact i enjoy it all in a sick way
of my own understanding
that maybe only i can understand but the point it
that no matter good or bad
happy or sad
it all became a part of me
its also part of which that makes me who i am today
without my friends or enemies
i wont be myself today
in a way
not to the fullest extent of course
most of it is influenced by our decisions in life
i realized ive been in my emo phase lately=/
i know right
i've been visiting memory lane of my dark past
the ones i think that determines who i am today

2010-01-30T23:29:00.002+08:00

guilty intimate pleasure
ahhahaa
yes im talking about lingerie
i feel better now
i have enough bras to last me a year or 2
yea
sadly
before buying bras
my bra reduced count to 2
=/
yea i know
like crazy right
i have to continuously wear the same one lol
yeaaa
damn i saw these topshop boots
i was absolutely in love with them
nearly bought them
damn
seriously damn
i dont care
one day they will be mine lol
im serious
one day this year
anyways i gotta go out wiht my dad later on one of his malaysia trip outings
today was a fabulous day
considered that i slept as much as i'd like
i packed my clothes
i dunno why looking at the pile of clothes in my closet makes me feel so happy
most probably its because it reminds me of the time
when i bought them
that love and affection for them
love at first sight they call it
more like lust at first sight
hahahahaha
i had a wonderful day
set my comp to render my model
to animate for submission
im pretty sure i could do this
because it takes ages so i let my computer run
while im off to spend money on my bra
yes yes
i know
save money right
but these are my essentials i need a new bra
and now im contented
haha
yes the satisfaction of owning something new
the sheer pleasure of knowing hey you got something new
i dont know i prefer buying intimate things
like garters
and bras
then clothes
i mean i dont know why but i feel much more delighted to know i bought a new bra
then i bought a new shirt
i guess cause intimates are personal
i like buying personal things
yes
i do
why shoes over bags?
cause i think shoes can last a lifetime
as in they never seem to go outta fashion i guess
they just look sexy
they boost your morale i think
ahh they boost your confidence
from now onwards
to stop my vicious temptation of purchasing another sinful pair of heels
ill bear this in mind
you shouldnt buy these yet till your thighs are toned!
which works truly
its amazing
im learning to control myself
i realize if i wanna stop buying expensive things
i gotta spend it on affordable things
to feel that i dont need to spend the money anymore
from now onwards
ive done my fair bit of shopping
hopefully it can last me for a pretty long time
TILL chinese new year
hahahaha
no i should really save money
i really should
it's hard
i admit
i am a shopaholic
i guess? because i'm not rich i just like spending money
i need to control now
LMFAO
and starting of year 3 of poly
hazimah and me are gonna venture
through a healthy
money saving
journey
by cooking at home
and
i repeat no food outside
yes
im thinking
maybe we should leave money at home
means bring no money to school
it reminds me
of primary school
when i wasnt given money
instead i was given food
and i was pretty contented
so this is a challenge
look on the brightside
im training to become a pretty good housewife?
NAH
hahaha
who said i was cooking for you
im cookign for myself
im such a selfish bitch
lmfao
i know
so there's new recipes
new food
ill try to make it halal for my dear friend hazimah to try
ohh i am soo loving this year
i really am
after the submission
wooot
free
but i must learn how to save
i suck at it
damn
damn
damn
maybe im those kinda impulsive shopper
i buy on impulse
damn man

2010-01-26T03:59:00.002+08:00

was i crazy?
possibly
i don't feel the pressure still
even though submission is this friday
it's like it's not an issue
i don't feel disturbed
i know odd right?
i'm supposed to be pretty anxious now
but oh well
what's the point being anxious and nervous
i doubt it'll make me finish up my homework faster
anyways i found this photo
was taken on new years eve
when i went drinking for the very first time

yes im still stuck on 3D max excited though
so happy i could use sketch
should have don that earlier
like seriously
anyways im gonna take my time
obviously
not sleeping anymore
yes the things i do
i'm crazy
i know

2010-01-25T11:28:00.002+08:00

ahh they just launched another bomb
TOD final essay
minimum of 1200 words
19 feb, the deadline
alright easy peasy
i'm in class
i skipped first class
i couldnt be bothered to wake up
it would take a great deal of pain
for me to wake up
when i didn't sleep
yes i've been up all frigging night

yea was extremely bored...
this is for your entertainment btw

bauhaus
interesting

2010-01-23T17:02:00.002+08:00

a lot of people has been dying a lot recently
the end days are really close
i think closer then expected
oh well
what else can we do?
we pray
it's sad to think
one day
you just met this person
the next day
he died from an accident
just like that
i won't feel sad
maybe i'd feel sympathetic
i'm used to people i love dying around me i guess
it doesn't disturb me
it used to
but not anymore
it teaches you how to appreciate the things around you
doesn't it
it's so ironic
all of us
takes things for granted
then
just like that their gone
sometimes you'd wish you'd spend more time with them
get to know them better
well
all that
i think doesn't affect me
i know i may sound cruel and cold
and loveless
maybe itll hurt a lot when it comes to friends
it's harder to let go
i hated death
when i was young
i was afraid my loved ones would die
i would always cry at night
thinking of their deaths
what it really means to lose them
i still do now
i still cry when i imagine my beloved leaves me
because i know inevitably they will have to die
they cant live forever
i know it all to well
yes i think about shit like this when i was 4
why?
because it was the most important thing to think about
it is why
school work
was the least of my problems
you have
people
family
who die
who could die anytime
what could you possibly do?
design their funeral?
how do you mentally prepare for it
the answer is
you cant
you can try
but you know yourself
you can lessen the pain
but
sooner or later theres gonna be another part of your heart missing
and no one can replace that
and this is where you turn to God for help
death is also a blessing
to be off this
world
to meet your maker
no more problems or issues
no more pain to endure

2010-01-22T10:37:00.002+08:00

how do i put this delicately,
i'm willing to do anything but design now
yes im absolutely restless
only thing going through my head is
fashion
make up
i feel misfit
i dont feel where i belong
but oh well
lmfao
im in humongous trouble
i dont feel the urge of completing my work...
i dont wanna do my work
i know what youre thinking
i've been there done that
i'm so much more interested in things like pseudo occult
fashion
fashion
fashion
and rubbish
i cant
bring myself
to do it
i know i can
but i dont wanna
fuck im in deep trouble
seriously
everythings at stake
dear God
please help me
i only have a few more weeks
to go
i just need 2 more weeks
of intense concentration
even a freaking boring book appeals to me
thats how dreadful it is
i know it may not sound like anything to you
but it's a bloody mental struggle
it's funny i have this bloody crisis now
i didn't know it'll be that bad
but oh well
haha maybe cause i realize
this isnt something worth worrying over
it's your soul at stake here
there are far more shit to worry
then meeting assignment dues
so technically
it's the least of my problems
it's most probably why i feel soo
not interested
how did i come out with that conclusion?
i was reading the bible
to try and ease my nerves
when it came to me
and music helps
but the type of music to me is important
it brings it all back to my childhood
anyways this music is the medium of my bubble
sound drowns me from the world
and attend to myself and only myself
it's alike a self reflection kinda thing
i think its hard to phrase it down to words
ahh can't be fucked

2010-01-21T13:20:00.002+08:00

i dont
feel like doing it
doing design
seriously
im soo sad now
i lost my bloody mojo to do work
my 3d max is being a fucking laggy piece of shit
its pissing me off

2010-01-20T19:58:00.002+08:00

seriously i think im growing a dick or something
my jeans is biting my crotch i think it's cause im wearing pad
damn man i might get fucking abrasion
wtf
it's night now
my favourite part of the day
just had pizza hut i think 3 hours ago
was fab
was practically full
felt so sleepy for a period of time
now i understand why boys need to air their balls
maybe its why some boys dont wear tight jeans haha
cause itll smash their balls
and penis together
that it hurts
HAHA
which also explains why they wear it so low
i know i like talking rubbish hahahahaha

2010-01-20T19:43:00.002+08:00

in the library now trying to complete my 3D
damn
oh well
enough said i know where i am
and hazimah says hi
shes right beside me so i could molest her
yes i do molest her with those juicy boobies
haha
i just ransacked and packed my closet yesterday
found a lot of interesting pieces i could wear to school
glad i coul fit into my old jeans
amazingly i found them in my brothers closet
i though i lost them you know where
i guess it misses me
a have a lot of bruises on my legs today
nothing new
hahahahaha
damn bike oh well
no the bike didnt fall
i just knocked unto the bike
how stupid is that
pretty much
anyways
if i was a guy
i will hate this jeans im wearing right now lmfao
thats why their womens jeans
no space for the vag to breathe man
i kid i kid
its probably something
its pissing me off though usually i dont have this issues while sitting down
stretching jeans wasnt very comfortable
fashion is truly a bitch lmfao
either take it or leave it
anyways i found this interesting book titles succubus dreams by richelle mead
yea
intending to read it along with her other books
i need a good book lmfao
miss reading a hell lot anyways

2010-01-17T22:39:00.002+08:00

well
im here again
doing my work
its always the same thing
when is it gonna end
the truth is its ending soon
whats dragging it soo long?
is me procrastinating
so tonight i shall complete
i mean it
i shall complete at least a drawings
no matter what
even if i had to break a limb
i know im exaggerating but it only means im dead serious about tonight
tonight
today
feels really good
everyday is a blessing
but today feels special =)
i think i know why
i think i dont
but it doesnt matter
no point questioning something you dont understand haha
im only expressing myself for now
i cant express what happened in the morning till now
but generally
today was a great day haha
although its coming to an end
but yea youll know itll come again haha
ok so back to work

2010-01-16T08:32:00.002+08:00

alright im feeling awesome now
im gonna take a nap
im finally
over the hurt
the shit
and i forgive you
have fun i wish you all the best in life

2010-01-16T07:55:00.002+08:00

i finally realized
why i really hate you
you broke me
yes you
you broke
something in me
and i found out what
you broke me emotionally
you didn't give a shit
don't tell me bullshit
your sorry
sorry cant reverse time
i hate you because i loved you enough
to let you do this to me
youre one hell of a hypocrite
doing what your ex gf did to you
and you had to do to me
is it fair for me
you ask me
why am i an asshole to you
all of the time
you should know why
you emotionally abused me
used me
and again
and again
now you gotta suffer
its my present for you
my absence
is my present
my happiness without you
is my present
my life without you
is the biggest present
watch me and hate me
hate yourself
too
i know you do
and i love it
that youre suffering
cause you deserved it
the time
you took
from me
to hurt me
the friends i lost because of you
so badly
now that i dont love you anymore
i find you fucking ugly
inside out
i dont know
how i managed to bullshit myself
and let you abuse me
you broke me
now i break you
why did i do this
i tried to save you
i guess love wasnt enough to salvage you
well in fact i hope you go to hell =)
haha fat hope trying to come to my church and solving everything
it doesnt work that way
you might hate being in my church
cause ill give you hell
yep now its all out
i feel free now
the truth set me free
to those whos under my wrath
who i vent on because of this pathetic being
im absolutely sorry
well thank you though
youre one good fucking experience
cause i will never make the same mistake twice

2010-01-14T15:11:00.005+08:00

i am absolutely exhausted
but i must still go on
fuck
these next few days
weeks in fact
is gonna be colourful
yes i ensure you it is
anyways i was having a little fun yesterday
with photoshop
for fun haha
interesting though
HAHAH and absolutely hilarious
here i am in class doing my autocad which seems to take forever
but then again what hasnt taken forever for me
besides eating
damn man i shouldnt have worn boxers to school
feels soo weird
not to mention im wearing something slightly body hugging
and my boxers being boxers keep riding up
damn man seriously irritating
surprisingly
i didnt peel that badly lol
but we shall see shall we
i miss going out =(
i miss my friends
were all too busy for each other
fantastic
utterly fantastic

2010-01-11T23:44:00.003+08:00

i don't feel like myself today
i feel like i've been cursed
i feel evil today
and i cannot grasp why
i feel i shouldn't enjoy people's pain and humility
but today i did
i poked it
made fun of it
it wasn't very me
it was indeed very mean
why did i feel so mean and evil today
i have no idea
what the fuck happened to me
only when i reach home i feel safe and lifted from the curse
enough to see
how ugly i was today
i am going to take back all the mean shit
i know im mean
but i shouldnt be that mean
not so much
that was too ugly

2010-01-11T13:46:00.003+08:00

alright
in class right now
doing school work
as usual
yes submitted my essay
it was just full of crap lmfao
i didnt organize it
it just came out that way
anyways since its a draft
now im doing my plan=/
damn im kinda slow but oh well...
not much in a rush though
fucking internet is soo damn slow
but oh well
i cant be bothered much

2010-01-10T18:25:00.002+08:00

gah
got a tan man
yes
for real
but its not that bad
i can never get a bad tan
its nearly impossible to tan in the first place
but yea
i went to sentosa and soaked in the dreaful sun
but when i was there
the sun wasnt exactly that terrible
but of course
my close were off
and i only wore a bikini
but if i were to have heaps of close on id probably curse the sun
but yea
it was nice yesterday at the ceach
found a couple of starfish
and
and
i manage to swim to the other side!
how cool is that
i thought i couldnt do it
but i did it
felt so triumphant
yea
and i got an awesome tan
i dont think it made much of a difference
unless i wear a tube
then you can see my sexy tan lines
im still fair though HAHA
but i guess going to sentosa was nice HAHA
anyways im gonna fuck all
and do my essay now

2010-01-08T11:59:00.002+08:00

OMG
lmfao i just felt like saying that
cause im currently listening to oh my god by ida maria
just a trip back to memory lane
watching gossip girl
great show
i miss is soo much though
oh yea yea
i came across this video
it shows that you literally need to have a long dick
to be able to blow yourself
and this walrus proves it!
infact he rather enjoys it
i have a feeling walruses are gonna be extinct
cause they dont need women anymore =)

yes i know HAHA
anyways im in class now doing my work
hwo am i feeling doing my work
meh nothing much
just glad im not dreadng it
in fact im overjoyed
but but
i was late for class today
nothing new though
since ive been sleeping pretty late
i gotta face the music man
ok so today i will hopefully complete my layout plan ok
no guarantee
but i tried didnt i?
no seriously by this week i gotta complete my drawings
next week will be doing my detailed drawings then moving on to 3d max
uh huh
planing out something i might not be able to follow HAHA
sounds like me
i never like carring out plans
i just do
just do it
or maybe not
i have these tendencies
its hilarious
i like laughing at myself

2010-01-08T01:35:00.002+08:00

itss coldddd
i'm doing work as usual...
not sleeping though

2010-01-07T00:27:00.002+08:00

today i got a little more organized
i got little more motivated
i feel great today
aside from the fact that i failed my practical haha
but its all good
cause i know whats coming
and its just a practice
i feel my spark again
im loving it too
its the drive
my only motivation long enough
to encourage me to do well
or at least want to do well
after my lecturer kelly's speech about interior design
i was like
brought back to the past
when i was soo excited
about whats to come next
i was ready to take on anything
i was inspired again
i finally found my mojo
for DID
then i remembered why i felt so great
cause i enjoyed what i was doing
i had fun
i will always have fun
and i just need to do my best
and id be satisfied
because i already done my best
and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that
i can fail
as many times as i want
eventually
ill reach there =)
bearing the end in mind
DONT GIVE UP
hahaha i was supposed to blog earlier but i got carried away
i was supposed to be cheery
no im just picking the remnants
of those emotions
i felt marveled earlier
i forgot one main important thing
was to never give up
i wanna give it my best
i wanna
challenge myself
i felt
soooo great
cause i love challenges
above all im challenging myself
and i hope to win
i know ill win
=)
and after that
i realized i wanna learn so many things
and put in that spark in everything i do
like dancing
yes i wanna learn dancing
and so much more
i wanna put that word passion in things i do
i wanna feel that contentment
feel that high
feel the eudaimonia hahhaaha
i want to practice excellence
and i am very sure ill get me there

2010-01-05T23:19:00.002+08:00

chilly night
i like nights like this
it brings me to peace
provides me the harmony
so i could play
the me inside could come out and play
with the other me's

2010-01-05T18:34:00.002+08:00

AHHH guilty pleasure
no no don't get it wrong
it's not sex HAHA
it's food

i just gobbled my steamy hot dog
yes
i feel like a pig today
i ate quite the bit huh
but my mouth was itchyyy
no ,slapping it wont make the itch go away
finally complete my intech journal
now moving on to TOD essay
i can do this haha
i am definitely not eating anymore tonight
i'm taking a little break right now
anyways this is for you to laugh about
i think it's pretty innovative though

2010-01-05T10:50:00.002+08:00

242424
DAYS LEFT TILL...
i know it seems pretty weird to feel compelled to blog everyday
i find it weird cause i usually dont do it
BUT
anything could happen
and i am compelled to blog whenever i wish to
so here i am in class
thinking soo much though
but what else is new
right?
i dont know if we should call it thinking
its like a subconscious way of thinking
its pretty vague
but sometimes it pops up not by any intention
its just there
beyond our control
so what is another word for the thoughts that pop up randomly
the thought that cannot be explained
but however only you understand yourself
and not anyone else
where it starts to define someone
or maybe you just dont understand that part of you
but do you really need a reason for your thoughts
do you needs reasons for everything?
not really
soooo
no facebook for 1 month
i don't think it's impossible
i believe im not hooked enough to facebook
i dont feel the commitment given to facebook
cause it really takes my time away
from what i should be doing
yes facebook is my distraction
because
it wastes time
filling you in on whatever happens in someone else life
viewing pictures of how people are doing in life
the lies they carry out
the games they play
the scores they try to beat
seriously
facebook?
how does getting to know what happens in someone's life help you get the job done?
unless youre a socialist
then
i think the point of privacy has been mutilated in facebook
i certainly dont wanna know what you ate for lunch
but but
it helps
to get to know when people are in distress
enraged
angst
sad
so you could comfort them
the only thing i like about facebook is that
you're able to share your joy, sad, emo moments with your friends
but of course for me
the point of facebook is to disturb people
i could care less if they just bought gucci shoes
what the hell are you supposed to say if peoples status are "i just got a LV wallet"?
but but i don't mind if people go like i'm wearing pink panties
then i get to make fun of them
for fun
SO aside from that i'm fine
i overslept today
nothing new
im not surprised though
been staying up late all night
theres bound to be consequences but screw it
lmfao

it was cold in the morning
so i had to wear my teddy bear pull over
its soo comfortable
i feel like a teddy bear myself
i feel like i can sleep anywhere in the pull over HAHAHA
i love the fact that it kills the cold
it doesnt need any effort
it just immediately kill the cold
but the horrid part is i feel so damn sleepy
cause its all comfortable
ahhh i tried something new today
well out of the ordinary anyways
i ate an omelet
with my pasta
it smooth fluffy soft eggs wrapped with sausage and mushroom
and not to mention the sinful cheese
mmmmm
ribena seems to be a must everyday
oh well
its a power booster
ill try to abstain from coffee
it screws with your digestive system
it makes you pee a lot
makes you feel like shitting
surely that's bad right?
gosh im gonna doze off for a little while...

2010-01-04T19:25:00.002+08:00

Cat under the mask?
Doing my project now
the seirous is on
cmon people we need to do this for 25 days
then after that
time for celebration
cmon guys we can all do it
fuck shit
im not gonna sleep right for the next 25 days
holy fucking shit
but its kinda mixed feeling
cause i like the rush
in fact i love the rush
i hate it too
completely deprive me of sleep
less time in lala land
boo hoo

2010-01-04T14:43:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA
im feeling like things are gonna turn up alright
i was just dumped the best present ever
awesome!!!
T3C has been launched
and there's so much to do
and the deadline is on the 29th of January
so much to do so little time
im soo excitedd!!!!
AHHHHHH
woooohoooo
i'll type out the list
of things to do
and not to do
like
for the entire month
no more distractions
which means
no facebook
i will update you on my progress
it will get interesting
theres a time to play and a time to work
MUAHAHAHAH
what im gonna do is im gonna have some breaks in between
breaks where i either
sing
and blog
i dunno what else to do
but ill find out
im gonna plan my time wisely
and im gonna make it work
trust me ill make it work
woottt!!!

2010-01-04T13:00:00.002+08:00

HAHA
i'm n school now
regularity and le corbusier rocks!
not really
i oppose the norm and regularity
but anyways
yea first class of the term
doesnt feel like first class
feels like a million draggy classes
yes i hate year 2
im not afraid to admit it
i hate DID
yes it killed my beloved cat
i neglected him
when he needed me the most
i was making model for grades
and it lost a life
but oh well
i gotten over it
im just chill to the bone
until i fine my passion in DID again
i find nearly everything relating to DID a drudgery
i know its not fair
but ive given it a try
lecturers arent really encouraging
but oh well
truly fuck it all

2010-01-03T17:03:00.003+08:00

funny how one minute i feel like blogging the next i dont
hahahaha
im in the midst of contemplating but what the hell
sooo uhh after an interesting day in church we went to eat
kfc yet again
yea i just ate kfc like probably 3-4 days earlier
then i decided macs
so cool huh macs
then later on i realized i had macs for breakfast on new years
soo i went back to kfc and ordered my usual
pissed me off
cause my stomach was being a bitch
and the lady beside was being a retard
basically voicing out whatever she did
highly annoying i could seriously stab her
she was like
this is mashed potatos
your favourite yum yum
you want to eat
and she does it for the other food
can you imagine
what we had to stand
while trying to consume our food
it completely retarded our consumption speed
with her irritating voice
its not her voice
its that she announces whatever shes doing to the entire world to hear
i feel sorry for her kid
but what do you expect
bad genetic stock
well she was trying to show off to the world her kids are smart
which got on everyone in my groups nerves lmfao
like shut up already
we dont need you to dictate every single life of our moment
its time to eat and shut the fuck up
just when she was about to eat and shut up
she continued talking
the relief we had was completely erased away
completely crap
yes she completely made my meal
undesirable
even
so much so
that i think i dont wanna eat it anymore
she just made me sick
so after the torture feast
we walked around
as usual
THEN THEN
so we were bored ok
decided to enter metro
and check out the slutty outfits
you know me
i have a thing for slutty outfits HAHA
so we wandered around
inevitably chanced upon the bra section
as usual
and i realized i needed more bra
more curiously
what was my size
so i had the lady measure me up
and told me i was down to a C75
i used to be a C80 cause the circumference below my bust was 80
wow
i shrunk HAHA
but i'm worried im gonna shrink boob size
and what im worried for is whether the woman was just saying that to make me happy
you know for the sake of saying
how does she really know its C not a B?
maybe she did it cause she didnt wanna bruise my ego or hurt me
BUT then again she's a woman
and i'm a girl
so girls arent supposed to have egos?
its like i grew balls
like i grew an ego LMFAO
nah everyone has a pride
ego is just a word for the male macho crap
i used to have a word for it
but i forgot
cause it was ages ago
SO i considered it
and i realize fuck it man
regardless of my size i still love my boobs
muahahahahaha
i'm proud of my boobs
they have come soo far
attached to my body
HAHA its like soo awesome
liek the rest of my bodeh
alrigth enough with the self indulgence
but i wish
everyone loves themselves too
dont be ashamed to be in your own skin
black white yellow or green
take pride in yourself
believe that youre beautiful
cause everyone is beautiful in their own special way

2010-01-03T02:43:00.002+08:00

felt like blogging again
dont know why
do you really need a reason to blog
well im bored
and not bored
cause i gotta do journals
i dont feel like doing them
cause i dont see the point
if i see a point i would
but im not motivated
to do intech journal
i dont feel the connection
anyways im gonna attempt the impossible
i guess in a way
im gonna watch 20 episodes of how i met your mother season 3 tonight
till dawn breaks and i have to change for church
no im not joking
i had a great day today
i woke up at 4
yea im gonna do the routine thing
but the key here is
i dont usually tell you abotu my day
so this isnt really a routine thing
maybe more of a cliche?
but i dont really care i just do what i want
i dont need to explain
where was i
i woke up at 4
delayed
i was supposed to do my work
guess it didnt get done
hahaha
im still in the midst of completing it now
really
all i did was place a photo
and write a few words
i know i should be afraid but im not
maybe this entry is too long to read
i dont really care
i just wanna type it out
if you dont read this
too bad LMFAO
really dont give a shit
yes im in my dont give a shit mode
maybe cause its 3 in the morning
and ive yet to complete my stuff that i promised myself
yes the disappointment
i keep procrastinating
why?
i dont know
i feel like changing my entire course of life
i wanna do bible study
i wanna do what i have passion in
i wouldnt say i have passion in interior design
unless in time to come im proven wrong
i used to think i had passion for interior design
but this year i was proven wrong
so i kinda lost faith in it
lost faith in myself
its sad really
yea to do so much and people dont really appreciate what youre doing
its frustrating
its funny how i had high hopes when im in year 2 but it just keeps bashing
at me
it dawns on me
to realize that
so much effort i put in and
it doesnt feel justified
i dont know what were doing anymore
are we creating spaces
or are we creating something else?
whats the link between luxury and space?
how do you define the link
thats the key
were all lost
we dont need non constructive criticism
we need guidance
thats what were in school for
yea i have loads of random thoughts like
ive been reading the bible more often now
cannot wait till im done with the bible so i can read it again
and do commentary
i was singing a lot today with my friend
yea the sorrow is there
that i actually forgot that singing was my passion
but rejoice for i have found it again
im just full of angst
cause im highly pissed with myself for not being able to complete a stupid journal
something soo insignificant
its soo easy and yet so hard to do....
oh yea and my mum bought me a cap haha
i liek it but the question is how do i wear it
i never wore a cap cause it looks horrid on me
i guess yea
so today has been a wild night not in the wild sense
but like
more of a roller coaster
yea hahaha
but im pretty glad my parents are back home safely

2010-01-02T18:42:00.002+08:00

well it's the brand new year
so much for crappy 2009
i totally agree
and i cant afford to agree to disagree
that 2009 sucks haha
2010 is welcoming us with open arms and legs LOL!
no ill never stop being me
how was the new year for me
all i can say to keep it short
was it was absolutely fantastic LOL
yea hurray for me
yea i dumped my bf a month ago
no dont feel sorry for me
i feel great for real
im not lying to myself
i dont see the point in engulfing yourself in sadness
it actually calls for a celebration
yea i needed a day to myself
to think
again
but the next day
its moving on time
you might call me cruel but i dont really care
if you were in my place you had no other option
when you choose its either him or yourself
i chose myself
he was trying to slowly erode away who i really was
turning me into someone i shouldnt be
if he couldnt accept me well he can jolly well fuck off
I asked God though before doing it
and He answered me
I'm very clear of what God thinks of me and him
what weve been doing
continuously sinning against him isnt exactly my forte
yes i've decided to take religion to the next level
i'm commiting to it now
rearranging my priorities
i told him when i turned 18 i would change
and sure enough i did
or maybe i didnt change
i changed back to me
with new guns to play with HAHA
and yea when i turned 18
i had a serious talk with myself
what the hell was i doing?
going farther away from God
would God want it this way?
he says he will go to church soon
will he really?
how sure are you he will commit his faith to God
how sure are you that he didn't do it for your sake
when he's supposed to do it for God and not you
i couldnt stand it when he asked me not to go church one day and stay with him
so i chose
and picked God
because it became obvious that i can no longer rely on him
i used to think i can put my entire life in his hands
but then
it all changed
and slowly slowly he neglected his responsibilities
even though hes like 20
he should be the mature one
but he wasnt
he was selfish
very selfish
selfish enough to blame everyone around himself but himself
including me
yea you can tell me you love me
but do you really
you just need a companion
you dont need me to love you
you just need me to fill that empty void
i know i was important in his life
but i really dont care
cause as of then he isnt my life
i didnt want to live the life with him
on the day i was 18
the sour sour part of me
the realistic part of me
gave me a rude awakening
the part where i count on
when i go astray
she would grab me back to the surface
slap me a few times
funny huh im slapping myself
oh well just wanted to say things ended that way for a reason
anyways like i always said i cant really put everything down on this blog
there are things id rather keep to myself i hope you guys understand
but i just feel that i typed enough for today LOL

2009-12-08T16:52:00.001+08:00

whoa i know it's been ages since i've touch this page haha
i miss you guys
i miss my friends
yes im admitting it now
dumped my bf
hurray for me
im making up for the hurtful things that ive done to other people
like not meeting them
however it may not last!
who knows
no ones certain of their future
yea i'm feeling pretty great
even though after the massive break up
but whats to compare the amount of years you suffer with some guy
and sheer happiness?
yea youll be like saying oh but you were soo long with him
i didnt think 1 year 4 months was long
and its hard to put it in words
but time flies
nope i didnt cry
i didnt regret making the choice
because i believe it was good for me
apparently he wasnt good for my soul
and when its not good for my soul
its not good for my body and my mind
its correlated anyways haha
and i didnt particularly feel full and accomplished
i felt empty when im with him
there were times when i felt like
why am i doing this to myself
why am i suffering?
then the answer was that i was blindly in love haha
yea its dangerous
so what if theres no more hugs and kisses?
you have friends
you can attain intimacy with friends
you have family
you have cats XD
i think im staying away from a relationship
for awhile
im gonna be bloody choosy
so my friends if you think im making a horrible mistake please do tell me and refer me to my past few relationships haha
haha
when i was in the relationship
i thought you guys dont understand what im going through
well it was me fooling myself
i didnt know what i was getting into
sometimes i must let my third person perspective take over lol
it's so windy now
i feel absolutely happy LOL
cause i found my appetite back!!!
i managed 1 meal without puking it out
yes recently i couldnt eat right
i could barely finish my fav bowl of pasta
how sad
i was amusing myself
thinking about going vegan LOL
but not that i hate eating meant
but i think my stomach couldnt take it
its like half my stomach died
or sealed up LOL
i managed to eat my wanton noodle!!!
weeeeeee
and yes i picked the right choice
thank you God
im gonna wholly trust you know
you know whats best for me =)
and this was
a step back to see how screwed i was
oh yes i love lady gaga!!!
and thank all my friends
who was there
to hear me complain
about mostly my ex bf hahaha
its funny cause a lot of people are breaking up too
but when there's an ending there will be a new beginning
so broken hearted people
embrace the new begining

2009-10-21T22:41:00.002+08:00

time to get serious
this semester i will fight to get an A
i'm sure most people would feel this way
i mean i'm year 2
and i wanna get my attachment in one of those good design firms
walk the talk baby hahahah
but but i can't do it alone though
that's why you have friends to help and they help you too
this way you can grow together
in a good rate
recently i haven't been hearing good things
however that's for me to know and you to find out
alright
so basically normally
we'd be flooded with assignments
i'm cool with that
so far
we have maybe 2 journals?
one for TOD another for DS
and
CSW letter writing assignment due tomorrow
and uhh
port folio and a draft of curriculum vitae
which is for my attachment
and of course
sourcing out regular design firms
actually i should be glad that a normal firm accepts me
i realized
i'm a student
i don't have much experience
and what do you expect them to make of you?
a mere student
who hasn't graduate from school
oh well
i'm a perfect pessimist
alright and i've been pretty vain lately
period
you wear what you are?
it's true to a certain extent really
hopefully i can keep up dressing well
i mean i don't need a reason to dress up do i
i think i respect myself by NOT dressing sloppily
but of course it depends on circumstances
like when you're measuring shops
you don't wear like you go to the gala premier
anyways
like nina garcia said
fashion fades style is forever
and what you wear portrays yourself to the world
do you want to be sloppy to the world?
i don't think so haha
so anyways
i have so many ideas coming out
for the future projects
but the question this sem is
will it work?
using interior technology
can make things happen

2009-10-04T22:26:00.002+08:00

you know
its funny
cause i was thinking
like always
at times
id want luxurious things
how silly i was
i mean
a lot of people do that
eat expensive shit and wear expensive clothes
then you think
about your family cooking for you
that
was the best meal on earth i have ever had
i remembered i blogged about a similar situation
even if it wasn't cooked by a 5 star sou chef
im not rich
neither is my family
but why does this meal feel fulfilling?
its just a plain soup rice and meat meal
nothing out of the extraordinary
many a time i'd always take advantage of small little love gestures like this
what if
1 day they couldn't cook for you anymore
its the person whom you love that is cooking for you
it isnt ANY ordinary dish
i always think i'm so lucky to have my parents cook for me
maybe you dont feel what im saying now
but one day you will
when you feel love from your parents in ways that they care for you
oh yea and one other thing
i watched this really old movie starring simon baker
known as something new
woooooww
it was a really hot show
and guy
yes
he is hot
it was a fantastic show
it truly is
why should love be limited
i mean
age
race
shouldnt be a factor to limit love
as long as youre happy
go for it

2009-10-01T23:15:00.002+08:00

well well well
HAHAHA
i know it's been ages
since i've blogged and read blogs
finally went shopping
feeeeeell that huge satisfaction
seriously
went with hazimah
oh yea
then ended our lovely day at pastamania
for dinner
i feelll goodddd
im also concerned
cause
yes
i've been a workaholic
but
to me
it feels good
you know
liek an addiction
and im not regretting
the only problem
is the social status
youll be
neglecting
your friends
and family
its not much of a physical damage but an emotional one and psychological
yes i'm highly aware
i'm in big shit
i've been working nearly everyday
i just think working is terribly fun
well it is
if you make it out
there are nice people there
good food
nice environment
why not right
oh well
the key to everything
is prioritizing
what comes first
and
i have
that issue
i dont know
which goes first
im confused

2009-09-19T03:52:00.002+08:00

hey people
yea i havent blogged for quite some time
due to a lot of things
mainly im working during the holidays so its practically eating half my life
and what happened to the other half i was sleeping and doing what life needs to do duh
and play dota of course
so basically prepare to be disappointed because i wont be updating about my boring from now till something really swell happens thats worth mentioning
take it as if im taking a long tedious
drudgery break from blogging
the overall aim
is to suffer now
enjoy the fruits of my labor later haha
also had that concept in mind but
every time when the suffering ends
another comes up
its like
impossible to reach the enjoy stage
sure there are sheer pleasures like a day or 2 lmfao
but i want like really to enjoy relax
and do whatever i want
till im satisfied
but i guess i can never be satisfied
thats human nature
can never get enough
and know when to stop
oh yea ive been watching golden girls XD
its such a beautiful
show hahaha

2009-09-04T23:38:00.000+08:00

alright so i just got back
not too long ago actually
and it was a pretty great day today
ran my own counter
the best part was that
there was no shortage!!!
and
to top it off
joel showed me this video
of this miss singapore world?
representing us?
ris low?
yea i bet she is damn low and pathetic
but i don't have enough words
to describe her
what i told joel
after teh first few minutes was
she
doesnt
even have a nice bod
shes
just like
singapores average bimbo
is she
she doesnt even look pretty
and that horse shit is representing us?
seriously singapore?
is that all you can do?
too scared
and let
this 100% embarassing person represent singapore
oh gosh
its like
she never attended english class
my ears
are bleeding
LMFAO
her only
defence
which isnt really one
step on stage
yep thats was i typed on msn
the exact words
LMFAO
im too appalled to laugh sia
this is serious
and this
ill give you the link
watch the horridness of it all
for yourself
tell me im being cruel
i dont care
but what i think
my opinion still stands
i object to this retard being our representative
of our bloody country
i mean
i thought it was a bloody joke
and guess what her only defense was?
stand up on stage
and try it
its not even a defense
dear all who commented me..especially Singaporeans...

please step on the stage.... IF U CAN :D
her exact words
i am appalled
seriously
its a dare
not a defense
many have stood on stage
she's incompetent
and so much more
but i wont dwell on that
if i did
id make a list of description of what she is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c_A7-7B7-w#

2009-09-04T00:03:00.003+08:00

well im not sorry that i dont have time to blog for these several days
it's not my fault i didnt blog the past few days
i was busy working
and practically tired
balancing
and organizing my time
yes like
time for dota
time for reading
time for golden girls
time for celeb gossip
etc
and most importantly time for sleep
this past few weeks
i am a complete
freak
yes a complete control freak
is part of my nature
so its either you're in or out
either way
don't get in my way
today's work was fine
learned most of the basics of promotion
and advertisement
yep yep
so it was really funny
cause i get to meet interesting people walking in and outta the cathay
yep
and encounter
many
idiots
LOL
most of the staff described some patrons to be idiotic
i guess its the lack of vocab
i didnt dare use other words of such like
retarded
morons
mental
mentally impaired
ill conceived
etc etc
yea so im kinda pissed off right now
partially cause of the horrid
horrid retarded noobs i was playing with in dota
caused me to die
nearly 10 deaths
but of course i killed about 4
however i wasnt satisfied
apparently
i can be addicted to so many things
maybe dota?
not confirmed yet
cause i can live without it
although
i guess you guys know
i am a workaholic
which kinda puts me in this mode
odd huh
like an automaton mode
where everyone dont like it
they can just fuck off and die
yes very arrogant indeed
haha
i cant help it
i feel ultra superior at this point of time
when it is necessary for my job
you cant speak to patrons passively
it depends on situations though
yep
i'm sorry for being a bitch right now
so bear with me
on the other hand
i dont give a fuck lol

2009-09-01T20:25:00.000+08:00

its autumn now...
freezzinngg
leaves are falling from the trees
turning bright auburn color
it was beautiful
come to think of the life cycle of the tree
so today
was officially my first day of work
i was sleepy
as always
but the cold air
and the hot shower
the terrible contrast woke me up for good
so
i was wide awake
i wanted everything
to go perfectly
or smoothly
whichever way you wanted it
yep
and work was soo fun
but complicating
however it could only perfect with practice
been there done that
in a different scene
so happy though
learnt so many things
dont know why im filled with joy

2009-08-31T17:05:00.000+08:00

2009-08-29T18:24:00.000+08:00

i have learned a lot today
i'm back home
and i was troubled
about finances
yea well
i was given a choice
it's about the transport concession
which costs 43 bucks
so i thought
should i call my granny and ask for my allowance in advance?
or
should i borrow from my parents
then i thought of another one
since
i can take a train ride to work
but what about coming back?
i only needed money to go to work
and come back
so then i thought maybe i needed only 5 bucks
so i asked my dad
and he says
if you can find it
then my mum asked me how much i needed
i told her 5
she told me to get her wallet
did you see that!!!
she lend me money
God blessed me so much
and then
cause she knew i didnt eat
so she passed me another 4 bucks
to buy live prawns to cook
i was touched to the bottom of my heart
she loved me so much
and i was too ignorant to notice
until today
i was still her beloved daughter
she changed for the better
God did answer my prayers
it was so touching i was crying on my way to sheng shiong
the love was just overwhelming
tears trailed
helplessly
just an act of kindness
before that she asked me if i smoked
cause my bf smoked
so my granny
was complaining
that i might get influenced
to smoke
so i told her no
then i forgot to tell her
the same reason why she didnt smoke
when my dad did
it goes to show how much i took for granted i guess
i dont know hwy im soo emotional
my mum suddenly became my best mother ever
i love her so much
under the stubborness
i love my parents a whole lot
even though i dont always get what i want
if they didnt love me
there would be no cats
yes i have always wanted cats
and they let me have them
if my mum didnt love me
i wouldnt be in this course
im grateful for everything right now
my family my friends my bf
everyone
golden girls made me think a lot lately
such as to forgive and forget
and a lot of other things
the certain errors we all commit
and there's always a motive behind peoples action
why would my mum go for her license
for our entire
family
to enjoy a vacation together
what my parents did
may seem harsh
but
in the long run
it was for the best

2009-08-28T22:01:00.000+08:00

finally
crit was done
i wasnt prepared
but i couldnt be bothered
because
i was ytoo tired
to prepare and stuff
they complimented a lot
just that my presentation didnt do my project justice
but
im not interested
i really cba
so
i went back home
to rest
woo
it was reallyyy cold
you know the monsoon and all
it felt such a perfect weather to rest
of course
i played dota
to release the tension and stuff like that
it didnt end well though unfortunately
why do i sound monochromatic today
well
i feel pretty numb
i thought about a lot today
of course im not gonna share with you
so joel calls
and wake me from my slumber
ugh
wooo
but i just had a wonderful dinner
which consists of
mutton soup
the chinese version
was superb
unfortunately
it wasn''t better then the kambing soup
muahaha
the one thats thick
and great
i'm sorry
the blood circulation is still rushing through my mind
yes and im still watching golden girls
it was heart warming
nearly cried
it was soo touching

2009-08-27T20:32:00.000+08:00

wellllll
today started off as one hell of a cold day
went for hazimah's crit today
then a job interview
sometimes
i think the lecturers dont know what they are saying
who cares
they get paid at it
doing a shitty job
oh well
no surprise
so i was watching golden girls
its interesting how each episode was pretty realistic about life
with men
with relatives
with rivals
with etc
its a very meaningful show
teaches you the facts of life
4 old ladies trying to deal with life
so hazimahs crit was pretty good
she improved a lot they said
of course she did!!!
i saw it for my very own eyes
then i went to watch john tucker must die
its soo hilarious
but penn badgley i soo cute
with his long curls
i think hes better off with them
oh well
basically right now
im supposed to do a walkthrough
too bad for fariz he couldnt make it
to my crit
i really dont wanna do the walkthrough
just like how much i dont wanna do
the furniture design competition
cause im feeling lazy
but i know
at the end of the day
i will have it completed
i just cant procrastinate much lately=/
i know ts a good thing
but you'd miss the time
where you can be lazy
and cant be fucked about it?
and it doesn't change when you actually do it
accomplish it
it still feels the same
just that you get extra grades
i have developed more discipline=/
and that's not necessarily a good thing anyways
its like you feel solemn
when you lose weight
cause you get to say goodbye
to this part of your life
that is part of molding you
to whom you are today
i guess thats why
even though its bad for you
i know i should be delighted
but so what if i get compliments
it's all thanks to God of course
im telling you i can never do this on my own
never
so i dont really like to take the pride
cause i dont deserve it
yea you may tease me
and be sarcastic
i can smile and laugh
but im just mere eunice tool of God
i'm serious
i'm not being modest
i just dont feel proud you know
i dont know
even though i can rub it in at times haha
but very seldom
really nervous for my crit tomorrow
im expecting the worst
all the time
this way
i dont get disappointed
i never understood pride
so
after im done with
the walkthrough i let you guys see it
dont worry
=)

2009-08-27T03:12:00.000+08:00

it's raining like crazy right now
i can't seem to sleep
wanted to play dota
but got dced=/
is it the weather?
no one else is online
maybe i should go back to sleep
I have lots to do today
good luck hazimah for your crit
ill be there for you!!!
hahahaha
well all in all
lecturer is leaving to his hometown
kinda sad
considering he was my favourite
so put that aside
my crit is on friday
and i can hardly wait
i still have to do the bloody walkthrough
it's ok
ill do it tonight
ugh
hopefully watching golden girls would cheer me up eventually
i don't know why the dark cold stormy night is depressing yet calming=/
it's like its a contrast
not the unexpected contrast itself that you like
you like the existence of both
because it seems like one can't do with the other i guess
oh well

2009-08-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

It's incredibly freezing cold
considering i'm sitting next to the open window
it feels equivalent to an air conditioner
you know at times i feel that singapore should snow
and times like now i think
gosh its soo cold
if its snowing id be frozen in time
hopefully deep down in my heart itll snow
but once it comes
youre never prepared for it
cause youre in a tropical climate!!!
how could that happen?
climate change is a complete understatement
it's so cold
i feel like my toes are gonna freeze and drop off
frost bite they say
seriously
the weather has been nuts lately
its putting me in more of a hibernating mode
explains for the eating less and sleeping more
and lazing around more
i bet everyone's busy studying for their exams
and cursing me cause im completely done with mine
all i have to do is to do my little crit
and then im done completely

2009-08-25T21:33:00.000+08:00

i'm so tired
of doing nothing of course and my submission is tomorrow?
hmm what am i to do?
do work of course
thinking about it is giving me a major headache
what on earth is so important about designing furniture?
yes its holds a major percentage in one of my module
but i dont see the point
it's just really a complete waste of time
seriously
so anyways
i'm just sooo lazy
i couldn't be bothered doing it
seriously after going through these past few weeks of immense
blood sweat and diligence
i dont see why i cant afford laziness right now
ughh
it's not the least of my problems
i still got this critique going on this friday
and i am clearly 0% prepared
oh yea and i've been watching golden girls
and these 4 ladies are splendor

2009-08-23T20:42:00.000+08:00

meow just woke up from a nap
having cramps to this level
that it makes me that much nauseating
ahh
the holidays
well not quite yet
but sheer freedom is what they call it
not too soon
id have to find a job=/
so anyways
the fasting month started
for hazimah
and its like 1 month to count down
ahhh cramp
ahhhhhhhhhh
anyways im hella bored right now
oh yea i went to church today
and learned a lot
like?
tithes and offerings
what about them?
its the attitude and the heart that counts
many people think its a waste of money
but i think otherwise
just cant explain it and point it out
till the paste few weeks
tithes and offerings
is what we offer to God
basically
the money came from Him
cause He blessed you with it
whether you like it or not
it's His
so He wants you to come out with 1/10 of what you have
He doesnt care of the amount you give him
trust me
you think He'd care of the pathetic thing we have called money?
or how much
He put a lot of emphasis on tithes and offerings
to show the true nature of man
do you love money
or do you love God
remember He gives you the money
you really think how much matters to him
its how much heart you put on the platter for him
He looks at your heart
your cheerful giving
or your reluctance
tell Him who you treasure more
comparing to an old lady who gives her all
and a rich man who gives 10k
who do you think would bless more?
the one
who put her heart in the bag
you think God would leave her to die?
God promised that he will bless them
so she had nothing to doubt about
or worry at all
cause she completely trusts God to take care of her

2009-08-21T20:25:00.000+08:00

FINALLY
omg feel soo tired
finally submitted the God forsaken project
i seriously wondered how i managed to pull it off
God is the answer HAHAH
finally
time for celebration and lots of sleep
muahahaha
thats the reason i was off my blog for awhile
cause i was busy doing crap seriously
did autodesk viz like crazy

2009-08-18T00:03:00.002+08:00

at like a pig today
pasta
tuna puff
and shaker fries
but im not sleeping tonight
thats why im piling up the food
you either eat
or sleep
choose either one
im not gonna sleep
till im done with 90% of it
yea
im dead serious
later on you see
i might fall asleep
but thats not my problem lmfao
ok
i will do this
!!!
i can do it!!!

2009-08-17T00:53:00.002+08:00

just heard that my friend's mum died
his only family
and now hes alone
with his lovely jones
his golden retriever
and he only has himself to rely on
he's working of course
no longer in education
it was a sad event
its really sad
i dont know if im supposed to shed a tear for him
i know it sounds cruel
but
who am i to cry for his mum
he's strong
obviously he doesnt wanna show his weak side
am i the one to break it down for him?
sometimes it hink staying strong is a lot better then to wilt in sadness and despair
its one of the most painful thing to endure
and if one cannot take it
they may lose it
so in this case ignorance is bliss
so im gonna be strong for him

2009-08-16T22:14:00.000+08:00

went to church today...
was pretty good and all
ate lunch opposite of church
the coffeeshop
today
was basically about thanksgiving
more like the attitude towards giving tithes and offerings
you always hear this
give willingly and cheerfully
the cheerful giver is the best
the story fo the poor lady who gave her all
compared to the rich lady that unwillingly gave the sum of money
its how you perceive money
do you love money so much that youre not willing to give it to God?
firstly it's not your money
God blessed you with it
along with so many things
yea
so its the attitude that counts
then mum bought san lao hor fun
tasted weird today HAHA
as in it didnt taste its best i guess
after a couple of rounds of dota
im down to something which i cannot escape from
my homework
yes
is a drudgery
i am compelled to do it
i have absolutely no choice whatsoever
if i want to achieve grades
i have to do this journal
im soo saddddd
when is it seriously gonna end
thats the question that will eventually answer itself
in time...

2009-08-16T00:35:00.002+08:00

I feel like a pig today
firstly i slept till like about 5pm?
cause i decided it was more efficient to do the journal at night
nad i felt soo hungry
and im unfortunately broke
so i had to resort to eating instant noodle that left a horrible after taste
the one taste that make me wanna puke
so i went back to sleep
i woke up again
and realize i could cook
if there was the correct ingredients around
if they existed o.o
and yes
so i thought why on earth havent i thought of that
all i needed
was butter
mince meat
soysauce
pepper
garlic
and onions
that was all that was needed
oh gosh its the best thing ive ever had since this week lmfao
yes i can cook
only for myself
it tastes better with the minced meat
cause its salty enough to pull the entire dish through
tasted so good with the flavours of garlic and onion
perfect hahahaha
even my mum said it was nice lmfao
i had no choice though
since im left with these ingredients

2009-08-14T23:59:00.003+08:00

SOO finally gems presentation has been accomplished
left with the models
AND TOD JOURNAL
plus story book
AND AUTOCAD DRAWINGS
OH GOODNESSS
LORD HAVE MERCY ON ME
went home really late today with my dear friend hazimah
with so many things i had to bring back home
missed my bed hella much
reminds me of south park!!!
WHERES SOUTH PARK
so anyways
my parents turned out to be sleeping in my room
so i have to sleep in theirs=/
with all my stuff in my room
NOO
boo hoo
anyways

2009-08-13T22:43:00.000+08:00

MEH i hate doing this
having to do presentation
ahh shit
why???
id rather do models
sometimes not always true but whatever
i feel like im procrastinating
but its only 1 click away
followed by another and im done
meanwhile here are the photos youve been missing out
just started tumblr!!!
wee
eesshhh did i tell you ive been farting a lot recently?

2009-08-13T15:51:00.001+08:00

WAAAA
finally finished RWP presentation
went so so
pretty well
but i was monotonous
cause i wanted to brush it off really fast
really do
so finally
i did it hehehehe
lmfao
now
i still have GEMS presentation
goodness
then next TOD journal
when on earth is it gonna end serious?
soon 2 more weeks and im free

2009-08-12T14:39:00.000+08:00

ok i'm gonna make my pizza now
WAIT
i feel like baking something
WOOT
i'm soo craving for so many italian food
ahhhh
PASTA
CRAZYYY

2009-08-12T14:10:00.000+08:00

i'm craving for pizza
some good ol' home made pizza
with that glorious red sauce ahh
and mounts of cheese
plus plus plus MUSHROOM
i'm hinting...
LOLOL
its funny though
how you'd blog about your point of view
like the opposing point of view
to make yourself look intelligent and shit like that
its really amusing
to see people bombarded with comments they cannot counter back
i mean seriously?
trying to act smart and say wow God doesn't exist
well God does exist
youre just that pathetic that He wont let you see Him
if He does
you'd die of blindness
existence is not the question whether you can see him
it's questioning whether you have faith in him
you don't actually need to see him
science can try to prove He doesnt exist
but they can only go that far
because humans mind is limited
sure you can come out with great gadgets
but can you try to be God
never on the surface of the universe
God is limitless
in ways you cant explain
so now youre trying to think ohh i'm such a big shot
ohh i created myself
wrong God created you you ingrate
this is where your downfall begins
your arrogance and pride got in the way
i'm not sorry that i believe in God
and i wont take back my words
i'd stand in faith
no matter what you atheist say
it won't shake my faith
in fact i feel stronger
knowing that God would back you up
why be anti God?
It's the grace of God that even lets you breath
he's so gracious to even let pathetic beings live on
if he werent
you'd die the second he wants you to die
See how much God loves us
And how ironic that we take that for granted everytime
and yet he's willing to forgive us
yea you can question
what about the devil
God created the devil right
so it means he created evil
wrong
God created angel and his angel was proud
fall into sin
then he's known as the fallen angel
and cast him to hell
for that 1 sin
and then he was known as lucifer
God allowed the devil to exist
how evil existed?
evil is the absence of good
which is the absence of God
INTERESTING!!!

2009-08-12T13:21:00.000+08:00

I THINK. I AM

i didnt feel like blogging the previous days
cause blogger has been so fucked up
it pisses me off
i was soo bored yesterday
i have finally completed half of the model
but more has yet to come
like autocad drawings have to be completed
shitiass
UGH
and i really dont feel like doing anything
also a major loss of appetite
eating less=/
the disadvantage
i still gotta do presentation!!!
which starts tomorrow
feeling soooooo damn numb
too numb to move
or do anything
i'm completely complaining
WHY???
woo and my blister dried up
how interesting
i hadnt even notice it was there
i seriously think i'm a late bloomer
pimples only develop after o levels
what kinda fucked up shit is that seriously?
but pimples are a must for puberty
means that i'm still growing
ugh
i wish i could grow vertically
i'm just that short
it's just genetics
i wished i had my dads tall genes
ugh
im only slightly taller then my mum
yes im crapping out random stuff
i realized 80% of my friends link on my blog are invalid o.o
and im too lazy to link again
see im just too lazy
kinda getting used to rushing off projects
i know i've said it before
but previously was nothing compared to this few projects right now
ah well what could i do?
not liek i can stop time
or stuff like that
i wish i could though
then i could see if everything was what it was really originated
or it was just made up
making history just another cock up a story crap
one can never be too sure
the only thing you can be sure of is your questioning/ doubting mind
rene decartes is such an inspiration
of course we shouldnt take his methods to heart
if not youd died of self torment of mental delusions
i think he died that way
staying in the corner
asking
am i real?
or im just a dream
thats when you think too much i guess
when you start doubting everything in sight

2009-08-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

yay went to church today
after a very long time indeed
after that we went to eat lunch
later on i had to rush back to grandma's house to eat yummy bukulua
dont know how its spelled
i feel so fat now
ugh gonna do work now
soo pissed off
cause i have so much to do seriously=/
watched singapore idol today
it was hilarious
with that freaky guy
that scared the shit outta people
of course they should the rejects and all
which was part of entertainment
horrible them

2009-08-08T20:17:00.000+08:00

visited my granny in jurong point today
i missed her so much
i really do
i know shes love me deep down inside
now doing my models
=/
when is it gonna end?
i wont be available till everything is done people
feel so broke=/
and its hurting me badly
and making me learn to save money =/
ahh learned it the freaking hard way

2009-08-08T01:07:00.002+08:00

woot feeling great hahaha
after a great dance
i finally learnt the mj beat it moves
not perfect not close
but its good enough that you can see his steps HAHA
oh well gonna perform in class on tuesday
with hazimah for fun lmfao
im gona practice till its perfecto
and do my models of course =))
was so inspired by the stockholm tribute to mj
hahaha
so cool
yea
then we sang in class today
woot
not only that
we kinda did nude drawings haha
well this lady
was in her bikinis
and i think she was 40-50?
but after i realized while drawing her
i am in amazement
she has the guts to wear a bikini
and let studenst like us marvel her
this was when i thought she was beautiful
just the way it is
i know shes not like your average hot model to draw
but she is really beautiful
you have to see for yourself to understand
take a second to think
she had the balls to stand half naked infront of strangers
in order for us to appreciate the art and beauty of a human body
the proportions
and difference
youll see

2009-08-07T20:54:00.000+08:00

im chatting with my dearest shu juan on msn now muahaha
at teh same time doing the fucking model
waaaa
my model is freaking fragile
nearly fall into pieces on the train
oh gosh horrid idea of bring the dang shitty thing home

2009-08-06T19:50:00.000+08:00

today is boots day
where hazimah and me
wore wore boots
totally kick ass man woott...
still doing work
when will it EVER end
oh dear=/
meanwhile
these are the photos i took today
before it ended

2009-08-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

sketching right now
God just gave me the best gift ever
FOOD
yes my mom bought the san lao hor fun
and its delicious
if not fattening
but too bad anyways
its the last meal of the day
and tomorrow im planning on eating meat only hahahah
ughh whyyyyyy
why give me this glutton stomach??
im soo hungry lately
but i dont wanna eat more
but i desire to have more food

2009-08-05T13:02:00.002+08:00

ugh soo sad
i wish i had dlsr
take ultimately beautiful shots=/
ahhhhh hahaha soo sad i wanna do photo shoot and stuff
i'm in class nwo gonna go art friend soon muahahaha
feeling soo tired though
just had a terrible sponsored workshop
where this guy talks about lights
not how to do lighting
more general kinda thing
like types of lights
examples of facade using lights
like the ion and such yep
boringggg

2009-08-04T13:25:00.001+08:00

ahh sketching now=/

2009-08-03T14:56:00.002+08:00

soo now... people
i need to make sketches of my storyline
soo happyyyy
and alter the storyline a little
sketches
good sketches
that i can do
i feel like going to the beach!!!!
i wanna go there with my bf =(
oh well
sad sad
oh and today is our 1 year anniversary!!!
SO FUCKING HAPPY

2009-08-03T12:14:00.002+08:00

attending TOD lecture now
talks about one modern philosopher
pretty much known as Rene Descartes
I think. I am
that's his motto
i guess basically he thinks too much
thinking that
you know youre eyes deceive you
how can you be certain of everything anymore?
so he decided that the only thing he could trust was his thinking mind
that doubts eveything
therefore
he searches for precision
something you cannot doubt or question
and that's mathematical reasoning
whereby he relies on maths to produce truth
interesting

2009-08-02T23:55:00.000+08:00

hahaha
soo cool
ok i'm gonna use dutch as a language
you can translate it yourself
im to lazy
so here it goes

hoi
hoe gaat u allen
Ik ben zeer fijn, en ik ben liefdevolle deze taal
Dus eigenlijk doe ik dit voor de lol die je kent, hopelijk kunt u dit decoderen.
En nee ik heb niet het huren van een Nederlandse man met het type uit haha
En ik ben behoorlijk veel gedaan verdomd goed als rond

yea ok so i'm done HAHAHA
yes that's dutch my friend

2009-08-02T14:03:00.000+08:00

ok so now im waiting to watch eragon
meanwhile
i'm feeling so happy today
1 year anniversary coming really soon
muauauauauuaa
i love you so much dear dear =)
basically right now i'm thinking about myself
like do i really know myself
maybe a little bit
maybe a lot
so i'm like thinking about the things i like
and what id like to do
i can see such a contrast
and its a pretty extreme contrast kinda thing
then i'm like thinking
about what i wanna do with my life
i mean
usually in the begining
itll be soo unclear
like the only answer to those question is
i dont know
right now
the path seems clearer
thanks to God
and everyone around me
which have moulded me
good or bad
you still count
thinking of ice skating
ya know inline skating?
can't wait
i mean i like rollerblading
should be the same anyway
cant wait to ride my very own motorbike!!!
until i get a license HAHA
oh well
it seems soo cool
my childhood dream of riding my own one
like my dad!!!
soo cool
biker clan haha
soo many things i want to do you know
thank God for clearing the path for me
it seems natural
i mean eventually you'll have to clear the path
i can see now!!!
i know i haven't been going to church
so sorry i couldn't make it
i know ' i have loads to do '
doesnt quite cover why im not in church
ill be back for good
but thank you everyone for making me who i am today
especially my friends
be it we were together for a brief period of time
or you were there through out my entire life
i thank you all
because it's you whom shaped me
and you gave me the opportunity to shape you as well
thanks for accepting me
even though i'm
rude
irritating
weird
psycho
etc
yet you still stand by me when times fall apart
thank you all
this is my appreciation to all of you
thank you for leaving me fond memories of the past that ill always treasure forever
sorry couldnt hang out with you
full of projects and absolutely busy
please forgive me
love you guys =)
i mean choosing friends are important cause they can either break or make you
yep

yep thank you guys!!!
hoep fto see ya soon hahaha
ok i'm supposed to watch eragon now
wee soo blissful
hahahah
ok ok ok
but enjoy this post
cause yea we all know it wont last long
you know my in this blissful mood hahaha

2009-08-01T22:39:00.000+08:00

ok im back woot!!!
i went for my friends wedding so happy
shes soo pretty
photos will be uploaded soon
hahha i enjoyed my time XD
i even wore a baju kurong
muahahah

2009-08-01T00:46:00.000+08:00

i cant stop singing lmfao
ahhh sore throat getting worse
but i dont give a fuck
lmfao watching mariahs obsessed in response to eminems lies
so now he's given her a warning cause hes always dissing on her HAHAHA
about them having sex and stuff
he threatened with naked photos and stuff
whoa he went there o.o
lying that youre sexing me lmfao
so anyways im done with her song and his rap dissing each other off
maybe there will be a sue? dont know dont care
go mariah!!!
who'll win?
dont know
obsessed people is the song
the warning is the reply to obsessed
just listen

2009-08-01T00:06:00.000+08:00

ahh fuck im having sore throat now
from singing
at least i havent lost my talent WOOT!!
fuck yea
hahahah watching eragon now...
trying to grasp the storyline
more of the scenes...

2009-07-31T20:07:00.000+08:00

woooo
went out with hazimah just now
soo tired now
goodness
still got so much more to do
but im just plain lazy
so basically what im doing is im gonna sing right now
till im pretty much happy hahahah
what im gonna accomplish now
is the storyline of my experience/journey
so i went bugis
woot!!!
kinda used to bugis
since i used to work there lmfao
yes i used to work there
yeaaaaaa
bones aching
ok im off people
to blissful heaven
here's a favourite quote from anita blake XD
"Stupidity isn't punishable by death. If it was, there would be a hell of a population drop."

2009-07-30T21:59:00.000+08:00

boohoo
dear dear
i miss you dearly
=(((((

i miss you soo soo soo much boo hoo

My love is as a fever, longing still
For that which longer nurseth the disease,
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,
Th' uncertain sickly appetite to please.
My reason, the physician to my love,
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve
Desire is death, which physic did except.
Past cure I am, now reason is past care,
And frantic-mad with evermore unrest;
My thoughts and my discourse as mad men's are,
At random from the truth vainly expressed.
For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright,
Who art as black as hell, as dark as night.
by Shakespeare...

2009-07-30T19:29:00.000+08:00

alright...
right now im supposed to be doing like homework?
yes rwp slides
for now i cant do no shit
without a camera
shitttt
hahahaha
feel great today
was singing with hazimah in the train just now
i know it was crazy but we didnt give a fuck
sure gave the lady a headache beside me
i guess she was pretty stressed or something

damn hilarious lmfao

another one

you gotta figure these yourself i aint helping ya
ok tata
im gonna do my slides now

2009-07-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

ahhhh wtf
new update tod journal submission 17 august
furniture design on 12 of august wtf
intech dossier submitted by 5th august eck
soo damn busy shit shit shit

2009-07-29T10:12:00.002+08:00

good morning citizens of earthland lmao
kidding
i'm in class right now
soo sad
i have soo many things to do
so i decided to make a check list:
1: photos of models (21 august)
2: story of model (21 august)
3: Autocad of models (21 august)
4: Intech Dossier(5 august)
5: Actual model to scale( 21 august)
6:TOD Journal (21 august)
7: Presentation for KYR on (14 august)
8: Presentation for report writing on (13 august)
ugh.. wtf man
seriously wtf...

2009-07-28T13:19:00.003+08:00

waiting for my crit now
feeling pretty average
still having fever
trying to recover from it
although my voice is pretty hoarse
but it seems to sound sexy to me
hahahah oh well...
feel like peeing
im like 50-50 for the preparation of crit
just not fully prepared lmao...
oh well
then i have to deal with a lecturer im not familiar with=/
finally the posting of entry section is restored to normal muahahah

2009-07-28T00:17:00.000+08:00

well well well
i feel like doing soo many things
and yet i feel pretty lazy
was kinda doing my theory of design journal
then i stopped to blog
cause i was pretty bored
i'm still contemplating whether i should use tumblr=/
it seems kinda la some sort of stereotype
whereby it's more of a design kinda blog
o.o
other people using them would kinda render them boring
so im thinking
if i were to use it
it's like i have to post photos
comment and reblog
i dont know i prefer the old conventional blogger
i mean it seems really high maintenance kinda thing
ughhh
crit tomorrow
have yet to prepare
too damn lazy=/
AHHHHH
crit tomorrow
damn
so many things to do
so little time
and theres only 1 of me=/

Confessions of a sweet tooth...

2009-07-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

HAHA
just had my fair share of kit kat
could not resist the tasty wafer coated with glorious chocolate
then i searched for kit kat images i got cute cats lmao
like a lot of them
then i saw this really coooollll kit kat
don't know what it is
but it's like strawberry kit kat of some sort
not fair
why doesnt singapore sell this stuff???

so yep
i can finish sweets in less then a minute
i mean a bar of mentos or something
i'm just soo discreetly greedy for sweets
but after having them
itll give me some pretty crazy sugar rush lmao

SUGAR RUSH!!!
muahaha
i just love sugar rush cause its like a good excuse for doing stupid things
like really stupid things
abrupt shouting
gazing into space and mumble nonsense
continuously irritating whoever was beside you
keep being repetitive
talk like youre someone else
act like a bitch
act like an angel
act like a monkey
do disgusting stuff
throw stuff at people
etc etc etc
"accidentally" glue someones shoes
dig your nose and pretend to rub someones back
shout gay at someone for at least 100 times

lmao my freaking ass off
so many things could happen when you have sugar rush
yes you can control your thoughts and motion
but itll bring you to a fast forward

2009-07-27T21:38:00.000+08:00

Feeling extremely terrible
despite the fact that i finally finished my report writing
im sick with fever
gosh
i have completely overworked myself to being sick
NOW the journey has only started
fuck right
i was seriously fucked
and tomorrow is my crit
omg omg omg
major terrible day
at what cost
i will attend crit
and try to be as sensible as possible
oh dear =/
my fever condition worsened
cause i ate chicken chop
gosh my throat is killing me
im feeling my insides burning
and my outside has to fight the layer of icy chill...
fucked
just fucked
ahhhhh
ill drink massive loads of water
hoping id feel better tomorrow
so much for freedom
we were just dumped with another illogical project
LE PAVILION
hopefully i keep a constant
though its pretty hard....
i wanted to try tumblr today
quennie said it was like some kinda artistic blog?
it was easier as well
dont think i got the time to try it
then i was thinking
maybe next semester
i have like another seminar=/
to do for TOD
and shit load during the holiday
dear God help me in this time of need
i know i've been a bad girl
cursing a lot
i know i deserve this fever
ill try to abstin myself from cursing
starting from now
ahhh fish
LOLOLOL
ok good attempt

2009-07-26T12:25:00.001+08:00

good morning world
i seem to be in high spirits but it wont last
trust me

basically what i'm gonna do for the day
is to complete my son of a bitch work
and print it out
what am i doing?
a frigging report
that's what im doing
see
i told you it could never last lmao
unless like im visited by million cute cats whom all love me
not gonna happen
cause i only have 3 cats who love me
i'm still amazeballs that i manage to finish my tod journal
omfg!!!
that reminds me that im supposed to do that throughout the year=/
sad sad
including intech journal
waaaa
this is hilarious

2009-07-26T02:20:00.000+08:00

hmm
i'm like doing my rwp right now
i'm pretty much accustomed to doing work at night
for some reasons i dont know
i guess report writing was going swell
oh well
great for me
materials all ready for me to fully utilize them